A child sighs as the lesson begins. Halfway through, they get frustrated or go quiet. Sometimes the lesson is canceled just minutes before it starts.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. In my online Japanese lessons for children, it happens in many families, and it is no one's fault. Not yours, and not your child's.
When it happens, parents often tell me, “We're thinking about whether to continue, or maybe make the lessons shorter.” Those are fair questions. But after about 23 years of teaching children in Japanese elementary schools, and now teaching Japanese online to children around the world, I'd like to suggest one thing to do first.
Before deciding whether to quit or cut back, please sit down with your child and remember together why you started.
Signs your child may have lost sight of the goal
- They get angry, irritated or tearful during the lesson
- They say “I don't want to do Japanese” more often
- They go quiet or answer with as few words as possible
- Lessons get canceled at the last minute
- They used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a chore
These are not signs that your child is lazy or “bad at Japanese.” Very often, they are signs that the reason for learning has quietly slipped out of view.
Quitting or shortening lessons isn't wrong, but it isn't the first step
Changing the length or number of lessons can sometimes help. A shorter lesson might suit a younger child, or a busy season at school. But if the real issue is that your child no longer knows why they are learning, a shorter lesson will feel just as pointless, only shorter.
When children can't see the purpose, lessons start to feel like something being done to them, rather than something they are doing for themselves. Once the “why” comes back, the same lesson can feel completely different.
A story from one summer
One summer, a child living in the United States took lessons with me almost every day during the long summer break. The goal was clear: to transfer into a Japanese weekend supplementary school (hoshuko).
But summer is long. Getting up early for a Japanese lesson day after day, the child slowly lost track of why. Motivation dropped, and I could see it in the lessons.
So I spoke to the child's mother. I told her that her child's motivation seemed a little low, and asked whether she could gently check with her child about why they were taking lessons so early every morning.
After that conversation at home, the child's attitude began to change, little by little. By the end of the summer, they were working wonderfully hard, and they successfully transferred into the Japanese supplementary school.
This experience taught me something important: there is a part of a child's heart that lessons alone can't reach. I do everything I can as a teacher, but words from the people they love most, their family, go straight to a child's heart.
How to remember “why” together
1. Ask lightly, not like a test
When I notice a child's motivation dropping, I don't stop the lesson to ask, “Why are you learning Japanese?” That can feel like being questioned. Instead, I fill the lesson with things the child loves, and while we're chatting, I slip it in casually, as if it just came to mind: “Oh, by the way, why are we doing Japanese lessons again?”
Asked like that, children often answer honestly. Some say, “I don't know anymore.” Others say, “I remember! It's because…” Both answers are valuable. You can try the same at home: in the car, at dinner, or on a walk, rather than across a desk.
2. Start from what your child wants
Questions like these can help:
- “Who would you like to talk to in Japanese?”
- “What do you want to do in Japan someday?”
- “Is there a show, game or book you'd like to understand in Japanese?”
- “What felt good when you learned something new in Japanese?”
The goal doesn't have to be big. “I want to talk with Grandma” or “I want to order food by myself in Japan” is a wonderful reason.
3. Make the goal visible
Write the goal on a sticky note, draw a picture of it, or put a photo of a place in Japan your child wants to visit near the computer. Seeing it before each lesson is a quiet reminder of why it matters.
4. Check in regularly
Children's goals change as they grow, and that's fine. Every few months, or whenever you notice a dip, take a few minutes to check in again. Motivation goes up and down for children, and that is completely normal.
Parents' feelings alone can't keep lessons going
I want to say this honestly and kindly: Japanese lessons can't continue on a parent's wishes alone. A child's motivation rises and falls with many things: their feelings that day, their mood, how tired they are, how they feel physically. That's simply what it means to be a child.
That is exactly why the people who watch over them most closely, their mother and father, matter so much. Whatever children may say, your words reach them in a way no one else's can.
What your child's teacher can do with you
When I learn what your child's goal is, I can bring it right into our lessons: practicing the words they'll need to talk with family, using their favorite characters, or setting small goals they can reach soon. If a change in lesson length or frequency still makes sense after that, we can decide it together, based on the goal rather than on a hard week.
A dip is a chance to grow
Times when a child doesn't want to do lessons aren't failures. They are chances to reconnect with why we learn, and children often come back stronger and more confident than before.
If you notice your child seems less excited about Japanese lately, please take a moment to remember the reason for learning together. And if you'd like to talk about your child's Japanese learning, or about life and school in Japan, I'd be happy to listen.
Book a free 30-minute consultation: ponohappylife-momkid.com
Haruka Nakai (中井明香) has taught in Japanese elementary schools for about 23 years and teaches Japanese online to children and beginners around the world. More about Haruka